I Am Mean To Naked People (and a NEW BOOK!)

No, I’m not mean to my new book. I’m asking you to pretty please buy a copy of HARVEST AT MUSTANG RIDGE, which will be in stores (online and a few select physical locations) tomorrow!

Click here for an excerpt!! Click here for buy links!!! Click here to get Jess to stop abusing exclamation points!!!! (Just kidding. There’s no app for that.)

I am, however, mean to naked people, as it turns out.

Admittedly, Arizona and I don’t have the most highbrow of taste when it comes to TV viewing. (Or, really, much of anything, save for sports equipment and my Western boots.) So it isn’t unusual for the following conversation to take place:

Arizona (flipping channels): Is there a new Naked People on soon?

Me: Sunday night, I think.

Arizona: Cool. Maybe these two will do something more interesting than sit around and starve.

In this case, the naked people belong to the Discovery Channel show, Naked and Afraid, where two strangers, one man and one woman, are dropped somewhere isolated and environmentally hostile, with one piece of gear a piece (usually a machete and fire-starter, though the latter can vary if one of them—usually the guy—views him/herself as a magician when it comes to starting fire with a bow drill). Then they’re filmed for twenty-one days of survival, and an eventual trek out to an extraction point some distance away from their campsite.

Before and after the ordeal, they are rated based on their experience, abilities, and mental toughness. Otherwise known as “Have you ever made a fire?” “Can you find food?” and “Can you manage not to tap out or be a total douche (or bitch) to your partner for three weeks?” The latter seems to be the tipping point for most of them.

The show appeals to Arizona’s survivalist tendencies, though from his running commentary, I suspect he would be off making his own camp by day three if paired with most of the people on the show, male or female. Me? I watch the show strictly for his MST3000-like asides, which elevate things to a whole new level. I didn’t think I was much of a fan.

The other day, though, I was channel surfing and stumbled across something called Naked Dating. And I thought “Why not?” Here’s the setup: A naked guy gets set up with a naked girl on your typical TV-type date at some swanky beach resort, they like each other well enough, and express mutual affection. Then the naked guy gets set up with a hotter naked girl, while the naked girl gets set up with a less confident, less charming naked guy. When the four mingle, Naked Girl 1 gets the cold shoulder from Naked Guy 1, and angst ensues.

And guess what? Turns out I would much rather watch naked people get dropped on some mountain in Belize, where they freeze their butts off, get chewed on by a cloud of mosquitos! Because if I'm going to watch two people be naked and miserable, I'd way rather it be in a situation where some ingenuity and teamwork can get things done ;)

How about you? What’s your guilty viewing pleasure? Are you a fan of cheesy shark movies on SyFy? A closet watcher of Toddlers and Tiaras? Soaps? Judge Judy? ‘Fess up!