Sounds like the opening to a really bad joke, doesn’t it? “Four Welsh ponies and Arnold Schwarzenegger walk into a bar …” (And incidentally, I find it amusing that ‘Schwarzenegger’ is a valid word in my spell check.)
But while I’m having fun here, it’s not actually a joke … it’s the weight equivalent of my former book collection!
Once upon a time, I had a lot of books. Like a lot, loaded into a big walk-in closet that I couldn’t walk into anymore because it was stacked floor-to-ceiling with books. Because I don’t know about you, but I am incapable of throwing away a book unless it is mortally wounded and unreadable. And even then it’s a challenge. Thus, the Closet Of Books.
But, lo, the time came that I decided that it was time to lighten the load. I chose a single bookcase worth of keepers, and called one of those “donate your books” organizations to pick up the rest. One large van later, and just under 2000 books went off to their new homes.
Since then, I’ve held myself to a ‘if one comes in, one has to go out’ policy, and the collection has held steady at 50ish. Which brings me to the ponies and action stars.
You see, I’ve finally gotten serious about losing the (cough, cough) pounds I’ve put on in the past few years, and have been using My Fitness Pal. It’s perfect for someone like me, who loves being graded. “Jessica has completed her diary for today and is under her calorie goal!” Yay! Go, me! It’s also helpful seeing how much those little “I’m bored” snacks add up, and how to eat out without blowing my goals.
But I digress. The thing is, there’s a strong (and sometimes very opinionated) community associated with the website, and that’s where I found this awesome list, entitled: I’ve lost a _______, with different equivalents for each pound lost. One pound? You’ve lost a guinea pig. Sixty pounds? You’ve lost an elephant’s wiener. So far, I’ve lost two human brains.
(My apologies to source of this list. I couldn’t find it. If anyone knows, please stick it in the comments and I'll give credit where due!)
Bringing it back to books, a quick Google tells me that the average paperback is 15 ounces, which is close enough to 16 ounces that we’re going to call it 1 pound. Currently, I have a bale of hay worth of books. Or two car tires and a housecat. Or a human leg, a human head, and a rack of baby back ribs.
Back in the Closet Of Books era, I had four Welsh ponies and an Arnold Schwarzenegger worth of books. Or six linebackers and a medium-size microwave. Or … well, you get the point.
So, guess the number of books in your collection (or your TBR pile, if that’s easier), check out the list below, and tell me … what’s your book weight equivalent?
1 pound = a Guinea Pig
1.5 pounds = a dozen Krispy Kreme glazed donuts
2 pounds = a rack of baby back ribs
3 pounds = an average human brain
4 pounds = an ostrich egg
5 pounds = a Chihuahua
6 pounds = a human skin
7.5 pounds = an average newborn
8 pounds = a human head
10 pounds= chemical additives an American consumes each year
11 pounds = an average housecat
12 pounds = a Bald Eagle
15 pounds = 10 dozen large eggs
16 pounds = a sperm whale's brain
20 pounds = an automobile tire
23 pounds = amount of pizza an average American eats in a year
24 pounds = a 3-gallon tub of super-premium ice cream
25 pounds = an average 2 year old
30 pounds = amount of cheese an average American eats in a year
33 pounds = a cinder block
36 pounds = a mid-size microwave
40 pounds = a 5-gallon bottle of water or an average human leg
44 pounds = an elephants heart
50 pounds = a small bale of hay
55 pounds = a 5000 BTU air conditioner
60 pounds = an elephant’s wiener
66 pounds = fats and oils an average American eats in a year
70 pounds = an Irish Setter
77 pounds = a gold brick
80 pounds = the Worlds Largest Ball of Tape
90 pounds = a newborn calf
100 pounds = a 2 month old horse
111 pounds = red meat an average American eats in a year
117 pounds = an average fashion model (and shes 5'11")
118 pounds = the complete Encyclopedia Britannica
120 pounds = amount of trash you throw away in a month
130 pounds = a newborn giraffe
138 pounds = potatoes an average American eats in a year
140 pounds = refined sugar an average American eats in a year
144 pounds = an average adult woman (and shes 5'4½")
150 pounds = the complete Oxford English Dictionary
187 pounds = an average adult man
200 pounds = 2 Bloodhounds
235 pounds = Arnold Schwarzenegger
300 pounds = an average football lineman
400 pounds = a Welsh pony