Where do you hide your presents? (I won’t tell, promise!)

Arizona and I have a cute little house, with rooms that are only nominally ‘his’ and ‘hers.’ I don’t spend much time in his office (whoops, that just autocorrected to ‘orifice’ which sooo isn’t where this is going) except for doing the dust-and-vacuum routine, and he only really goes in mine to root for printer paper and envelopes. But there’s no real privacy rule in Chez Hayworth—save for a closed bathroom door—our living space is a whole lot of ‘ours,’ which suits us just fine.

Except when it comes to hiding presents.

You see, it’s not that easy finding a Super Secret Hiding Spot when we’re both equally likely to dig into any of the closets and the basement is fully finished. Now, mind you, I would probably be safe hanging things in the back of the bedroom closet with the size 32 pants that hark back to his days as a high school math teacher, or in the storage room in the box labeled ‘Jess Foreign Editions.’ But the box is full and with my luck, he’d pick this week to dig through his old clothes, and I’d hear, “Hey, wow. I don’t remember getting this!”

Which leaves me with … What? Burying the Season One DVDs of Game of Thrones in the clean towels in the bathroom? Sliding the windproof fleece jacket between the mattress and boxspring? Rolling up the thermal biking tights and sticking them in an empty oatmeal container?

So help me out here, guys. Where do you hide your presents??