Four Welsh ponies and an Arnold Schwarzenegger

Sounds like the opening to a really bad joke, doesn’t it? “Four Welsh ponies and Arnold Schwarzenegger walk into a bar …” (And incidentally, I find it amusing that ‘Schwarzenegger’ is a valid word in my spell check.)

But while I’m having fun here, it’s not actually a joke … it’s the weight equivalent of my former book collection!

Once upon a time, I had a lot of books. Like a lot, loaded into a big walk-in closet that I couldn’t walk into anymore because it was stacked floor-to-ceiling with books. Because I don’t know about you, but I am incapable of throwing away a book unless it is mortally wounded and unreadable. And even then it’s a challenge. Thus, the Closet Of Books.

But, lo, the time came that I decided that it was time to lighten the load. I chose a single bookcase worth of keepers, and called one of those “donate your books” organizations to pick up the rest. One large van later, and just under 2000 books went off to their new homes.

Since then, I’ve held myself to a ‘if one comes in, one has to go out’ policy, and the collection has held steady at 50ish. Which brings me to the ponies and action stars.

You see, I’ve finally gotten serious about losing the (cough, cough) pounds I’ve put on in the past few years, and have been using My Fitness Pal. It’s perfect for someone like me, who loves being graded. “Jessica has completed her diary for today and is under her calorie goal!” Yay! Go, me! It’s also helpful seeing how much those little “I’m bored” snacks add up, and how to eat out without blowing my goals.

But I digress. The thing is, there’s a strong (and sometimes very opinionated) community associated with the website, and that’s where I found this awesome list, entitled: I’ve lost a _______, with different equivalents for each pound lost. One pound? You’ve lost a guinea pig. Sixty pounds? You’ve lost an elephant’s wiener. So far, I’ve lost two human brains.

(My apologies to source of this list. I couldn’t find it. If anyone knows, please stick it in the comments and I'll give credit where due!)

Bringing it back to books, a quick Google tells me that the average paperback is 15 ounces, which is close enough to 16 ounces that we’re going to call it 1 pound. Currently, I have a bale of hay worth of books. Or two car tires and a housecat. Or a human leg, a human head, and a rack of baby back ribs.

Back in the Closet Of Books era, I had four Welsh ponies and an Arnold Schwarzenegger worth of books. Or six linebackers and a medium-size microwave. Or … well, you get the point.

So, guess the number of books in your collection (or your TBR pile, if that’s easier), check out the list below, and tell me … what’s your book weight equivalent?

1 pound = a Guinea Pig

1.5 pounds = a dozen Krispy Kreme glazed donuts

2 pounds = a rack of baby back ribs

3 pounds = an average human brain

4 pounds = an ostrich egg

5 pounds = a Chihuahua

6 pounds = a human skin

7.5 pounds = an average newborn

8 pounds = a human head

10 pounds= chemical additives an American consumes each year

11 pounds = an average housecat

12 pounds = a Bald Eagle

15 pounds = 10 dozen large eggs

16 pounds = a sperm whale's brain

20 pounds = an automobile tire

23 pounds = amount of pizza an average American eats in a year

24 pounds = a 3-gallon tub of super-premium ice cream

25 pounds = an average 2 year old

30 pounds = amount of cheese an average American eats in a year

33 pounds = a cinder block

36 pounds = a mid-size microwave

40 pounds = a 5-gallon bottle of water or an average human leg

44 pounds = an elephants heart

50 pounds = a small bale of hay

55 pounds = a 5000 BTU air conditioner

60 pounds = an elephant’s wiener

66 pounds = fats and oils an average American eats in a year

70 pounds = an Irish Setter

77 pounds = a gold brick

80 pounds = the Worlds Largest Ball of Tape

90 pounds = a newborn calf

100 pounds = a 2 month old horse

111 pounds = red meat an average American eats in a year

117 pounds = an average fashion model (and shes 5'11")

118 pounds = the complete Encyclopedia Britannica

120 pounds = amount of trash you throw away in a month

130 pounds = a newborn giraffe

138 pounds = potatoes an average American eats in a year

140 pounds = refined sugar an average American eats in a year

144 pounds = an average adult woman (and shes 5'4½")

150 pounds = the complete Oxford English Dictionary

187 pounds = an average adult man

200 pounds = 2 Bloodhounds

235 pounds = Arnold Schwarzenegger

300 pounds = an average football lineman

400 pounds = a Welsh pony